‘Love is a giving thing. It is a safe port. Love means to become yourself more and to increasingly trust yourself. When you give back, you grow and your capacity for feeling love from yourself and to yourself is increased. Love allows for a reflection of who you become and how you grow.’ Emma Herman-Smith.
Loving ourselves has to be a lifelong commitment, because until we truly love ourselves how can we hope to love others? Love can be expressed as an action rather than a feeling.
‘I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as if my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.’ Maya Angelou.
As a nation we struggle to express self-love and self-respect because we were raised to believe that loving ourselves is a form of showing off, and yet, if we cannot learn to love ourselves, how can we ever hope to truly love another?
Over a few coaching sessions with one client, I was privileged to observe how they learned to trust the steps they were taking towards their own wellbeing. By acknowledging that they were worthy enough to achieve the outcome they desired, and by working through negative self-talk, they accepted that they deserved to have the best that life and love could give them. They found their dream job: it didn’t happen overnight, we have been working together for months, but during the course of our conversations, and while facing ongoing challenges at work, they were able to put the necessary energy into the interview process - really showing up about who they were and what they were capable of.
Learning to love yourself takes time, because when we make a mistake, or something goes awry we assume we are at fault in some way. However, when we learn to focus on the situation through the lens of one who loves us, and then allow ourselves to be the one who loves us, we can understand that circumstances were out-with any control we might have anticipated. Therefore we are not at fault, we can rise stronger, and start again.
During coaching sessions, when I hear my clients use the word ‘should’ as in, ‘I should go to the gym’, ‘I should attend to the leaking tap’, ‘I should learn to switch off my phone earlier’, it is one of the few times I offer advice. I encourage my clients to replace the word should with could: that way they are giving themselves an option, and a chance to visualise how one action could have a positive impact on their desire to move towards a positive outcome.
Try it the next time you are finding it hard when making a decision to activate a positive small step: I should go for a walk sounds like someone else is telling us to do this and we are likely to rebel. I could go for a walk creates an opportunity to visualise how enjoyable that could be .
Generate wellbeing by paying heed to acting on good intentions, because this leads to wellness of mind, body and spirit. As wellness increases, so does self-worth, self-esteem and self-love. Change isn’t easy and takes time. There are pitfalls and struggles, and it is hard to do this alone. When you engage in coaching sessions with me, I will dedicate my time, knowledge and experience so that you can learn to love yourself and live the life you deserve.
There is much to love in February, not least that the days are getting longer, buds are beginning to appear on trees and tender shoots are poking through the cold soil. For me, and I hope for you, love continues to grow, as the ground softens, shoots appear and opportunities for getting outside become a natural part of generating wellness.
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