As I write, the Scottish east coastal air is warm and still, spring flowers are vibrant and birds regaled us with their early morning song as the sun nudged through cracks in the blinds.
Last Friday I awoke to the distinctive sound of the Hoopoe bird as it hopped among the olive groves, foraging with its long beak among the discarded debris from the recent olive harvest. My friend, Fracesaca, smiled when she told me that, for her, the first sign of Spring is when the Hoopoe bird makes its appearance in the Andalucian hillscape where she lives.
I booked my trip to visit Francesca last October, after a Zoom call with her mother, my godmother and because we had lost touch. I was keen not only to reconnect, but to offer assistance as she prepares to open for holiday lettings this summer.
Emotionally, physically and mentally, I have been in a good place this year: work is going well, I am naturally energised as Spring makes her welcome appearance, and with the birth of my granddaughter, confidence to sing in front of an audience and a wonderful new love in my life, this trip felt like an indulgence.
Francesca met me at Malaga airport, and we quickly fell into a conversation which felt more like we hadn’t seen each other for a couple of months, let alone the 20+year gap it has been. Her beautiful home is 750m above sea level, and 2km from the main road. What struck me most when we arrived at Et Retiro an hour and a half later, was just how quiet it was: no cars, no music and no chatter from passersby.
I slept like I haven’t slept in a very long time, for nearly 9 hours: my bedroom was north east facing, cool, dark and comfortable. While breakfasting on the roof terrace I noticed that my body felt compressed from travelling, in spite of the long sleep, but Fran had arranged yoga for us on the lake shore. I’m a Pilates practitioner, but the movements are pretty much the same and it felt good to be stretching in the open air. Over the course of the weekend, I swam in Francesca’s natural swimming pool, walked among the olive groves, and gave myself time to pause and reflect. By the time I left on Monday, not only had my body stretched and lengthened but my mindset had shifted. I realised I had been carrying emotional baggage from a toxic situation that no longer served my needs, and from which I have now walked away from. Recognising that I was in danger of losing myself again in a role which was sapping my energy and creativity, the best course of action to take was to move on.
Prior to my trip, my body was stiff and crunchy from osteoarthritis in my knees and neck, but with a few days of heat, some self induced mindfulness and reconnecting with a like minded soul, I am full of energy again.
In his well researched book, When the Body Says No - the cost of hidden stress, Dr Gabor Maté uses life stories, anecdotes and scientific research to identify how the act of carrying woes, stress, familial baggage and misplaced expectations can have a detrimental impact on our physical and mental health.
Are you a people pleaser? Do you put the needs of others first to the detriment of your own desires, because it's what you've been conditioned to do? By putting the needs of others first you are slowly but surely chipping away at your own pockets of resilience. I’m not advocating that you ignore the needs of others, just that you make time to put yourself first. During every flight we are reminded to put our mask on before helping others, in an emergency, so if you feel guilty about not doing something for someone which might otherwise have built resentment in you, then you are practising self care.
During recent coaching sessions, two of my clients described feeling overwhelmed by external pressures, and were struggling with this. Feeling put upon was generating stress and exhaustion. For both clients, their desire and drive to be helpful had come from a good place, but the demands had become too great. As they talked they could see that by naming their concerns, and recognising what could be changed a sense of clarity and positive purpose became the focus.
My trip to Spain was the tonic I didn’t know I needed, and I’m so grateful to Francesca that while she was honest about the support she needed, she was also clear that I took time for myself too.
If you can’t get away, step outside, breathe deeply, close your eyes and allow your mind to focus on what can realistically be achieved. You are enough, and you deserve to have all that life has to offer by looking after yourself first.
Get in touch for wellbeing coaching sessions which will help guide you back to the life you deserve.
El Retiro - https://www.wylliefoxart.uk/El-retiro/
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